Frozen

Frozen in a moment

The final backward glance over my shoulder

Doubt screaming in my face

Certain of so few things

Wounds that could have crippled the strongest

Still not knowing how I was not killed by it

What can you do when your dreams fall to the ground?

Seeing your beautiful and innocent face

A memory I cannot shake; cannot erase

Emptiness growing inside me like a cancer

Everything I knew that I would miss…

Praying in my heart you would find your way back to me

A past so deep, I could not bury if I tried

Wandering for so long; lost inside someone else’s life

Never wanting to live without you

The rooms felt so empty in your absence

Your wonderful laughter; perfect smile; gorgeous brown eyes

The world became harsher; darker; colder…

Not imagining I could ever experience that kind of pain

Crumbling images no longer provided comfort

I longed to know you, and who you became

Chasing answers that did not want to be found…

Reality crashed down my door

I stopped counting the hours so long ago

But I am still left

In that place; in that instance

Forever frozen in the last moment

When you waved goodbye to me….

 

Joanne Cousins ©

Senses

Listen

I am calling to you

my outstretched arms searching

reaching out to you

trying to draw back a place in time

Look

I am searching for you

my eyes violently opened to reality

their gaze resting

at the sight of familiarity

Touch

my trembling hands

wanting to hold you

the quivering heart; left untouched

lingering long after first sight

Listen

I am crying into the night

my forlorn spirit yearning

praying for the moment

when you shall finally come

to save me….

 

Joanne Cousins ©

Wrong

I was wrong

I made a mistake

You walked out the door

My heart ached for more

Never wanted good-bye

But it was too hard to try

When I walked back to his arms

I fell out of yours

Even as time passed me by

Every time tears filled my eyes

 

My thoughts wandered to you

My heart longed to feel you

My dreams called out for you

My world stopped without you

 

I was unsure

Didn’t know who to fight for

Losing you was more

Than my heart could endure

I never wanted to go

All the days passed so slow

Was it that long ago?

Now I’ve had time to grow

Even as time passes by

I still break down and cry

 

My thoughts wandered to you

My heart longed to feel you

My dreams called out to you

My world stopped without you

 

I was wrong

I was confused

When I ran back to his arms

Didn’t see what I would lose

We all stumble sometimes

On life’s uphill climb

Thinking we have a plan

That our hearts can withstand

The pressure of life’s demands

But is it out of our hands?

 

My thoughts (still) wander to you

My heart longs to feel you

My dreams call out to you

My world stands still without you…

 

Joanne Cousins

© July 9, 2008

Friendship

I have a friend; I always knew was there…

So many times I overlooked; so very unaware…

Long ago, he transformed my heart; unbeknownst to me…

I never once thought I would have to imagine my life without him…

The future becomes uncertain; my heart aches…

I wonder… where does friendship end and love begin?

His gentle hand steadied me when I felt so alone…

He has a way of making me smile through my tears…

He gave me strength when mine became depleted…

And he readily lent his heart for me to lean upon…

The poetic dance as words intermingled and thoughts interwined…

Late night emails became a welcome treat, and a saving grace…

In my heart he remained; no further than a memory…

Time and distance choked the path; leading to uncertainty…

For so long, our friendship was like sidewalk chalk,

Noticeable, impossible to erase; but slowly, faded away…

Suddenly, finding we were thrust back into that same familiar place…

Hearing his voice, his words; his soothing laugh…

Being able to lend him comfort, as he had often done for me…

An escape from the heartache, though mine would never be…

A familiar question lingering in my mind…

Where does friendship stop and love begin?

Seeing him again, so comfortable; yet so reserved…

Restraining my thoughts, the query remains…

I came to appreciate the fact;

The friendship never stopped, we picked up and we reminisced…

However, something lay there in friendship’s wake…

And in that moment, I understood; it was love…

It lay in my heart for so long – but I abandoned it in my mind…

Until it struck me; intentionally…

Friendship was the starting point…

Ever-growing, even while it lay dormant…

Love has come flowing from deep inside me…

Yet I am afraid, as I have realized it much too late…

Joanne Cousins ©